Yesterday Rupert updated his diary and was less than complimentary about me.

I was playing on the computer as he was off flying and I couldn’t believe what I was reading.

To be honest I was more shocked than anything, but then I actually started to cry. It hurt me to think he could actually write something like that and show it to the world.

I know there will be some people who will be happy at that.

Later that evening he asked if I had read his diary and I said yes and explained that I was a bit upset, he didn’t seem bothered by that fact. He said that he had been in a bad mood due to the lack of sleep.

I can understand the moodiness and the sleepiness but can’t understand why he had to write something so cold hearted.

I never got an apology. Instead the blame was turned onto me.

I seem to take the blame for everything, not just at home but at work as well. I feel it’s easier to accept the blame than cause a fuss.

I am treated like a joke. Yes I do make mistakes, sometimes I can be a bit thick but I am not stupid. I do have feelings and at the moment they are very, very hurt.

I know he loves me but I feel so unloved and unwanted within myself. I feel numb.

I don’t know why I am taking it like this. Maybe I am taking it too personally or maybe my tough, devil-may care, water off a ducks back outer shell is finally cracking.

Possibly I am getting soft in my old age or perhaps I have just had enough of taking the blame for others.

Perhaps its time I started to fight back.

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