I feel scared, tearful, lonely, I want to curl up in a corner and cry.

I want to run far, far away and start again where no one knows me or my past.

I want to be free from all the worry that is my life at the moment, just as I think things are getting sorted another spanner is thrown into the works.

But, I don't want to leave him.

I don't want to imagine what it would be like never to be held by him again, never to hold his hand or stroke his hair.

I don't want to not be able to run to him when I have a problem. I don't want to find out what life is like without him but I am afraid I may have to.

I don't want to live with the fact that he is out there and I can't see or talk to him.

I hate this feeling and I just want it to go away.

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